I love my black people more than life itself but I feel that, as the UNOFFICIAL spokeswoman for the black community (haha), I must give a few rules that we MUST follow now that Barack Obama is our President. Although these things should be common knowledge for the vast majority of us, there are several of you that’ll need a little coaching during these next 4-8 years:

-Absolutely, positively NO naming your child a variation of “Barack Obama.” Some examples include (but are NOT limited to), Barackeisha, Baracanique, Obamaquavious, Obamalisha, etc. As stated, I COULD go on and on. Bottom line, don’t add on to the name Barack Obama to make it fit your ‘hood.

-Speaking of names, let’s just stay away from the name Barack Obama all together. Please allow your child to grow up and be the shit before he takes on such a name. Imagine your child cursing out his teachers in school, selling/doing drugs, or having an arrest record but his damn name is Barack Obama? Let’s wait a couple years to make sure that he doesn’t become an ‘ain’t shit jigga’ before we allow him to have that. Sidenote: Michelle, however, is an acceptable name for your daughter. See, if your daughter grows up to be a fuck up, we can pin that on ANYBODY.

-Please don’t start cutting up, a la Yung Berg, just b/c the president is Black. When you’re being put in handcuffs or fired from your job for acting a fool, I do NOT want to hear you say “But our president is black.” Yea, jigga…so are you. So don’t act a fool and think you’re above the damn law!

-Speaking of work, don’t go to work acting crazy, thinking that YT folks will give you a pass b/c of who is in office. Let us not forget that no matter ‘who’ is running this country, you STILL have bills to pay. It is HIGHLY unacceptable, unreasonable and just not RIGHT for you to start acting a negro just b/c you think you can get away with it. You will be thrown out on your ass, trying to write the White House and beg Obama for some job security. According to YT folks, we MUST remember….Oprah and Barack are the “exception.” The rest of ‘us’ are questionable. You’ve been warned!

-No LOOTING! Stealing other people’s shit in ‘honor’ of our new President is just….that’s just ass backwards. However, if you do decide to loot and manage to get a 42″ plasma, holla at your girl!

More to come….

Picture Courtesy of [MediaTakeOut]