(This post will contain some TMI. If TMI irks you, don’t read beyond this point)
Just as I was about to call my doctor and say “Why the hell haven’t I gotten a period for the month of October,” The Hunt for the Red October comes out of nowhere.
Mind you…I knew that there was ABSOLUTELY no way that I could be pregnant. So scratch that. And the last period I had was somewhere early LAST month. Hmm…
At the beginning of the year, I had surgery that put me out of commission for a while. I remember Michelle and Chanel hitting me up daily (sometimes several times a day) while I was laid up in bed in pain both physically and mentally. Ever since that surgery, my periods haven’t been as they use to be. I use to be able to count up to day 28, wake up that morning and guarantee she was in town. But these days? Not so much.
The one thing I loved about having a normal cycle is that if I ever wanted to get pregnant, I knew exactly when I ovulated and exactly when my period would show. Now, some months I can’t even tell when ovulation is taking place.
I say all that to say…it bothers me. I let go of the idea of ever getting married but never gave up on the hope of one day having a baby or two. I made a mistake many years ago but have since then had pretty solid proof that at least something was functioning normally. But with the surgery and the goings on sd of late, I wonder if I can even have children anymore. I’m not saying that I want a child NOW (as a matter of fact…oh no!). Just speaking out loud, I suppose.
I guess there’s always adoption. Sure, you can adopt a baby and love it like your own. It is yours…you’re taking care of him/her. But nothing beats the wonderment of what features your child will steal from you…will they have your eyes, your nose…dimples.
I probably messed that up. Shouldn’t have given in when I had the chance.
COMMENTS
You should probably talk with your GYN about this and he or she can answer your questions. ~Wishing you health and happiness.
cloverdine:Even though the waters may recede, does the river still not have the ability to bring forth life. And where was the TMI? I was ready…..
Luvvie:As if monthly cramps wasnt enough. The fact that we can sometimes FEEL ourselves ovulating is a B*TCH! That ish is not cool. I be walking w/ a slight scowl on my face cuz of it.
Matthew Milam:There is a reason you decided not to have a child when you could have. I wouldn’t regret it. It’s not worth making a life in the world when you aren’t ready, for whatever reason, ready for that sort of thing.
I hope I didn’t sound crazy there.
Jia:Nope! I understood you 100%!
Journee:I TOTALLY understand how you feel. Girl don’t worry about, God will bless you when it’s time. Just know there is someone out there that truly does know where your coming from!