…I write.
I guess I’ll be showing a bit of my weakness right now, and it’s cool. I’ve always kept some type of journal and since my blog is my journal, I guess others get to read it.
Today, I found out that a “friend” of mine named Coley passed away.
I first came to know Coley about a year ago when I first launched my blog. I remember receiving an email from her and she told me how much she liked it. She also said, “And don’t worry about the big blogs, Jia boo, cuz you already big in my eyes.” I don’t think that we ever talked about how she found me but it didn’t really matter. The fact that Coley chose to reach out to me, without really knowing me, allowed me to take comfort in simply knowing that she was there.
Over the course of a few months, she and I would email back and forth. She’d ask me about advice about men, about starting a blog, about how to ‘deal’ with life. In some cases, I had a long and drawn out answer for her and in others, short and sweet. But one thing about Coley is that she was just always happy to be in someone’s presence…even if that presence was via the web.
She kept her page private on Twitter and would always say “Well Jia if you would FOLLOW me then I wouldn’t have to take my page off private to speak!” And she was right. I thought, why am I NOT following her, considering our interaction away from Twitter. I remember her making me feel so “big” when I followed her but I shrugged it off b/c I AM normal. But Coley said, “Jia, I’m your biggest fan and friend.” We continued our interactions and even planned to meet up this summer when I made my way to DC. I JUST spoke with her last night. I was going through my timeline on Twitter and although most people (who aren’t insomniacs like me) usually log off around the same time, for whatever reason, I made it a point to tell her goodnight. A few minutes later, she came back responding with (something to the effect of) “I was gone for the night but then I saw your goodnight” and she “suicide dipped.” I always thought it was so cute even imagining her doing this and told her that she should cut it out before she breaks her back. She laughed, told me goodnight again..and that was it. I NEVER knew that would be the last time I speak with her.
I don’t necessarily consider myself an extremely emotional personal. Defensive, yes. But I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve. However, when I heard of Coley’s passing, I couldn’t stop crying…I still can’t stop crying. It’s been years since I’ve had to ‘deal’ with someone’s death…and although she and I had never met, I considered her my friend. Coley was one of the most supportive, friendly people I had ever encountered in my life and it absolutely breaks my heart to know that she’s not here…that I won’t get to experience that in person.
Its going to sound so cliche, what I’m about to say. But this all reminds me of how short life is. Earlier this week, I spent so much time complaining about something minor that, although it was a slight inconvenience, it was nothing to lose sleep over. The situation itself was minor b/c what I needed was still available…it’s just that what I WANTED was not. I have received so many emails, direct messages, Facebook posts from Coley…and even with the few words we’d exchange, she would always remind me that no matter what I may feel about life at the moment, I am loved and appreciated. It may sound silly to feel that sort of emotion from someone from the internet, but it “feels” right. Coley inspired me in so many ways. A lot of the personality traits that she had I only WISH I could have for myself. Coley was indeed a good person…a very sweet person who was taken away from this earth way too soon. I’m not one to question God b/c He is the boss but I just don’t understand this at all.
Nonetheless, I am going to try my best to get to the Baltimore area for her funeral. I feel that I not only owe her those respects but I also owe myself the honor of meeting someone who impacted the way I feel about life. Who knew that someone so far away could inspire me to keep it going on days when I didn’t really feel like it. I JUST received a direct message from her two days ago, asking me if I needed her shoulder b/c she felt that I was upset. I didn’t answer the DM but told her to let it go b/c I always do and smiled. She laughed and told me okay and that she was just checking. And now this…
Everything I do from this point on in terms of my life and career will be in memory of Coley. Coley’s positive attitude and genuineness inspires me to do better, to be better. I’m just sad that it took her passing away to really get that slap in the face that many of us need. I just feel like I owe her and the rest of those who seek to inspire. I absolutely appreciate it. I appreciate Coley. And I’ll work harder.
Rest in peace, Coley!
Your sister from another mister (as you called me lol)
Jia
You can read about what happened HERE .
COMMENTS
This is really sad, and I feel for her family and friends. Though I did not know her, just reading the comments from that link left by those that had the privilege of knowing her made me cry. I have never dealt with death well, and I learned pretty young that life is indeed short. I have tried to live for the moment because of this, even when it gets hard to do so. I’m empathetic to your pain, Jia. I think that she, Miss Coley, will be smiling down at the fact that you have vowed to keep her name/presence alive!
R.I.P Coley
Jia I feel you wholeheartedly I lost focus when I found out. I’ve cheered her on she’s cheered me on we laughed about my sorry Browns and her fabulous Ravens. We laughed two days ago about TI joining twitter it was minor but I’m gon miss her I will not be able to make it but Jia I wanna send flowers so any info you gain would be helpful to me. You don’t have to know ppl to care and when I first started tweeting she was one of the first to reach out to me and we had a ball from there. We planned to go to Cedar point this summer that’s why I make a point to say God willing cause u just never know. Jia my thoughts and prayers are with her family and you too she adored you that’s how I came upon you Coley. God Bless you Coley til we meet again RIP I’m sad.
MindyB:Sorry to hear about ýóur friend’s passing. I didn’t follow her on twitter but from your blog it sounds like she was a wonderful and beautiful person. I hope you find your comfort in the wonderful memories you have of her. RIP Coley
Tierra:First I just want to say RIP Coley. The world operates at such a fast pace that you sometimes don’t appreciate the little interactions with people. I started following Coley during Ravens season. We use to talk smack and cheer on our team. And then later we sometimes talked during Maury in the morning. She was funny and so full of life. Jia, she really loved and appreciated you. We sometimes use to mock fight over you. I’m going to be praying for you as well as her family tonight.
Chrisanthea:I just want to say that I TOTALLY know how you feel about the connection that you two shared, even though you never met. I too, have the same thing with someone who is like my sister. I have “known” her for maybe 7 years and we still haven’t met face to face. I am SO sorry and deeply saddened for her family and EVERYONE that she touched. I read the comments under the article and it seems that she was a wonderful person. God put people in our lives in every way, shape , and form for a reason. Sadly, I know all to well how it is to have “just talked” to someone and then they are gone. My prayers are extended to her family and friends, including you. Remember her as she was and be thankful that you were blessed to get to know such a beautiful soul. Again, I’m sorry.
Johnathan:I cannot fathom how you may feel; I’m sure the way you feel doesn’t equate to the words you have written. . I’ve never had interaction with Coley, but I visited her blog a few times, and I told myself, “I’ve got to add this blog to my ‘blog-roll’”..I never did. You are absolutely right about how short life is. People are here one day and gone the next WITHOUT warning. From her blog I could tell she had a warming spirit. Her family will be in my prayers, you too Jia.
I really do NOT know what to say, but if you EVER need anything, let me know. You’ve been there for me Jia, and I here to do the same for you!
Danielle:Wow… it’s so hard to know what to say during times like these, sorry sounds so trite and really doesn’t change the situation but I am genuinely sorry to hear tragedies whether I knew the person or not. All that comes to mind when I read this was that she was an angel, a blessing to you that from what I can tell seemed like she was there for you when you needed her. I know that may sound corny, but some people are a Godsend. I do believe God sends specific people across our paths for specific reasons. It’s just a shame that some of those people couldn’t be around a little bit longer. God bless her family and friends.
JaYiZmEe:This got me teary eyed, not used to seeing you write and show your vulnerable side, I don’t know if you actually remember Jia the 1st time we actually spoke to eachother was on myspace a while back, and apparently you had went to my page and seen a little tribute thing I did for a friend of mine (Mike Mike) who passed a year prior, and you was curious to know what happened and I told you the details and you told me that I was handling his passing very well…the passing of anyone who touched my life in any way always reminds me of how precious life is, I remember seeing Mike Mike 2 weeks after his passing and I was happy to know the last thing we did was greet eachother with the biggest warmest embrace as he shouted my name “Jayyyy!” not knowing that would be the last, as much as people talk about death you can never be FULLY prepared of the emotions you feel when it actually happens and how you will handle but for some reason, you may think I am crazy for saying this but everytime something reminds me of any of my friends who passed away I always feel they are in my presence and Jia I think you did a good job of being a positive influence with this young lady, in so many ways than I think you know….but I have no idea what i say all this for(dont judge me) but just know that if you need any us! Let us know! Luv ya boo! ~jAy
Stephanie:Hi Jia. I never had a chance to speak to Coley nor had I ever heard about her until today. But I am one of your followers on Twitter and have been one of your subscribers on Youtube for quite awhile now. When I read about the lost of Coley, I immediately found her Twitter page and when I saw how young and full of life she was it broke my heart. Thanks for blogging about her and letting all of us who didn’t get a chance to know her to learn about her. This was deeply touching.
Dee:Jia.. First off, it was madd sweet of you to write this. I am sure she is sitting in heaven, looking down on you.. *tears fall from eyez* You know what i have learned through out living life is. That it is never a easy thing to say good-bye. But one thing that will give you strength, is all of the memories you hold in you heart. And trust me hon, you will stand tall. And being weak my dear, is never a bad thing. Cause in time your tear will dry. And you will find that you angel “Coley” is protecting and watching over you. And “strong” my dear, is what you will be. You see Jia, what I am learning day in and day out. Is that time is not really on our side. So we must live,love and laugh today. Cause baby, our eyes may never see the sunshine tomorrow… My heart truly goes out to you in you time of need. And if you feel you can bare the pain from the hurt. Remember our GOD never sleep and he is available to talk to anytime.. I love you boo.. Just keep holding on love..
Asidkisses:Death has always scared me. It’s so real. I never met or communicated with Coley, but I hear she was a great person.
Times like these make me realize how we just need to let go and live life while we are here. Some of us will not make it far but as long as we learn and change someones else life for the better we can rest in peace knowing that are spirit is still here and in good hands.
I think God has specific destiny’s for some of us. Some of us are born to teach others about themselves and change lives.
onlinefan:Miss Jia,
So sorry for the loss of your friend. Some people don’t understand how you can “meet & make friends” with people you only communicate with online. Well, how can you not?
People on your timeline can sometimes be more friendly to you than those in your lifeline. Talking with people everyday, be it reading their status or commenting on their blog is almost the same as saying a quick hello to your co-worker or sharing a laugh with your buddies.
I didn’t follow Coley, but when you quoted what she said when you started following her it rang a bell. Isn’t that weird? You must have re-tweeted her or something. That just shows you how much of a connection people can have via the computer. We can remember and identify with things that are personal and important to others over the internet because we “see and talk” to them often on various social media sites….and you develop a connection, a friendship. So while you are grieving for your friend, others of us are feeling and understanding your pain.
Again, I am sorry for the loss of Coley to those that knew her. From all the kind words, I can tell she was greatly loved and admired. I hope you post your blog entry to the page announcing her passing along with her “in real life” friends. I think everyone reading it would appreciate your kind words about her.
Monica:Hi Jia. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of this beautiful young lady. I didn’t follow her, but I recognize her twitter name. Life is so short, and unexpected deaths are harsh. They jolt you, making you put your own life into perspective. I’m glad you were able to befriend Miss Coley. I read your tweets asking why bad people get to stay here when the good are taken away. I’ll just say that death isn’t always a punishment. Like Stevie Wonder sang “they won’t go where I go”. God knows exactly what He’s doing.
Kay:This post was really touching. My condolences to you on your loss. People are sent in our lives for a reason and I do believe that God put her (someone that u never say physically, but emotionally were attached) for a reason. I am sure her presence will always be around you. Wishing you the best!
Dimes:The way that you summed up your feelings in this blog was beautiful. Life is truly too short and this is an example of how we should always value the people we meet in life or that we communicate with.
I didn’t know her personally but I go to the same school and I remember having a class with her. Last night I got onto Twitter and I saw the update sent by The Towerlight about a TU student dying, then the freaky thing is I saw your tweets about one of your followers dying. Eventually I saw that it was the same person and it truly put the world into perspective. The world is small and life is short, enjoy it while you can. Cherish each moment and make the best of the people you meet. May Coley rest in peace. And I’ll keep you in my prayers as you grieve.
Jia, I sympathies and emphasis with you on this b/c I too just got word today that a family friend’s brother of mines, someone I considered a friend though we haven’t physically met from Hartford, CT who lived in Chicago passed today. My heart has been heavy b/c this was a brotha’ who had a great spirit, exuded nothing but positive energy, loved his craft for art, music, and designing. He was a graphic artist and DJ I had reached out to, to update and re-design my blog page. We have been exchanging emails back to back with regards to the design and layout of my blog and life in general. Today I get word he passed, I’m questioning it b/c it seems to unreal. We tend to take life for granted not realizing that our last breath can be at any given moment. We get so caught up in our life stresses not realizing that our life blessings outweighs the stress though it may not seem like that at that moment in time. I will continue to keep you in prayer at this time.
Elle B.:Jia, I will be praying for your comfort. Ask God for it. I promise He’ll give it to you. Just a couple of hours ago I was all in a tif about something very miniscule…something so little, bt I was upset and asked Him to sent me comfort… and I felt Him and He did. I know He’ll do the same for. you
R.I.P Miss Coley
jadorequi:Wow … I’m speechless like you miss jia I was also a friend of coley via the Internet (Twitter) and from day 1 she was always this bubbly loving sometimes outrageous in a funny way young girl …. I definitely enjoyed her presence as one of my followers and she truly impacted my life as well she was so lite hearted but never afraid to question my stance on things and I’m just truly heartbroken to know that she is gone … She wasn’t even 21 a few of my followers promised when she turned 21 and came to LA we would show her a good time not knowing that that day would never come … As my years fall I just want to thank you from the bottom of my Jett because without you I doubt I wouldve known that she died … It’s just amazing how one person can become such a great memory and I know she’s smiling down on us saying something crazy just to get that laugh … We love you coley now your in heaven I’m sure be my angel I know my life will be even happier with you watching over me
love your #1 twitizen !!!
Jia.. *teary eyed* wow i didn’t follow her on twitter but seeing your updates yesterday had me feeling like i lost someone in my life. I know she is smiling down on you so proud that u wrote this post to let others know that didn’t know her what a beautiful person she was. I just recently lost my uncle & i too constantly look back on the last time i talked to him not knowing that this may be the last time.
Your words helped me come to term with some things in my life that i thought i had dealt with. & i thank you for that.
My condolences to you & her family in this time of grieve.
RIP Coley
Wow..that’s really sad. I blogged about a girl that I’d known in the past that passed away. And even though it had been years since I’d seen her. When I heard not only that she passed away but how she passed away it left me feeling a certain kind of way. Well I just wanted to send some ***hugs*** your way hun!
Sincerely,
Go
Mark Dub:I’m VERY late, but I’m sorry to hear of your loss. The fact that you made your bond w/Coley through the internet in no way diminishes the friendship that you established, and I hate that you’ve had to endure her loss. Still, she’s near the Most High, and there’s no better company one can keep. I’ll make sure to say a little prayer for you.