So, I was recently made aware of a situation…a “situation” where a friend of mine had said some pretty bad things about me behind my back. A couple weeks ago, I noticed that this person had been acting sort of cold and distant…so being the person that I am, I asked if there was an issue. I was told that there wasn’t one and that they were just focusing on life and their business. If you give me a positive confirmation that all is well, I’ll believe you. No need to question it or drag it out any further…I’ll just take your word for it.
Fast forward to now. I came back upstairs after working out and had a phone call/voicemail. I listened to the voicemail and it was a mutual friend of ours asking me to give her a call b/c she had something to tell me. I called and listened. After I got finished talking to her, another mutual friend of ours hit me up via email (weird, I know) and was basically telling me the same thing (keep in mind that caller and emailer do not know one another). Long story short, they told me that our friend had said some pretty bad things about me and were basically asking ME what the deal was to find out why this friend was so upset.
I didn’t have an answer. Still don’t.
A big part of me wanted to reach out to this person and find out what was REALLY good. I have never spoken ill about this person behind their back (or hell, even to their face) and I never would (even in this blog entry). I always thought that our relationship was good, as we had never fallen out about anything and had a good time when we hung out with one another.
But then my mind shifted…I started to think back when, about two weeks ago, I received some really amazing news related to my blog. I was so excited b/c I called that good news on the Sunday before the week started. I claimed it. Right after that happened, I’ve continuously found out good news that would, in essence, help my business to grow and allow me more independence and freedom to come and go as I please.
Additionally, I’ve been working out. By my own admission, this working out has sort of kept me to myself and I haven’t been spending AS MUCH time as I would like with my friends. But the ones that I have around me on a constant have been very understanding of my desire to not only change how frequent I drink (liquor) but to also change my eating habits. I’ve learned some pretty good habits over the past several weeks but I feel that I’m still “weak” in terms of my ability to say no. Nonetheless, I’ll make it up to them soon enough.
When I talk to my family back home, I’m always telling them about how THIS time around in Atlanta feels different. I do have a focus and although it’s not necessarily the focus my dad would LIKE me to have, he’s just happy that there is one. Even though I’m still rolling eyes and snatching wigs (LOL), I just feel like I’m in a good comfortable spot right now.
And now this? It seems like over the past few days, in addition to getting all the good news I’ve been getting, it’s been countered by people trying their best to come for me. THAT I can deal with. What I’m NOT understanding is the whole concept of friends dropping off like flies too? Maybe I’m in the minority but I don’t get mad when my friends find success. I actually look at it, compliment them and just hope that my own success can be just as great. But it appears that I am in the minority b/c rather than simply wishing me well and/or leaving me be, I get the shit talk behind my back. And it TRULY is for no damn reason.
I am clearly not trying to paint myself perfect b/c I know that I’m not. Additionally, I don’t want to allude to having obtained some astronomical success b/c I haven’t…not yet. But it’s just amazing to me how when I was working a 9 to 5 that I hated and complaining everyday….or when I was out in LA doing shit that I had no business (and still complaining)…or when I was spending my money (and everybody elses) on weed and ecstasy and liquor…or when I could barely afford to pay my bills because of the aforementioned habits…I had more friends than I could count. I couldn’t keep FRIENDS away from me during that time.
But now I have a lil’ something to at least smirk about and folks talk shit? Nah…I don’t get it. And even though I am certified by every state in the US as a “thug misses,” I have to say that it still hurts. It hurts to the point of me questioning that if people are this ruthless and hateful now, what is it like when I’ve climbed a bit further? I don’t think I wanna know the feeling but I have no choice b/c losing isn’t an option.
I like love that. Indeed….
COMMENTS
It is time to fortify your armor. It can be lonely at the top, so prepare yourself for this possibility. Remember it isn’t the amount of friends you have, but the quality of the friendships. One true friend is better than a hundred judases.
I’ve learned to be friendly to all, be a friend to a few and committed to one, the Lord. This has helped me keep my focus clear, steps ordered and mind free.
Brandelah:Couldn’t have said it better than ‘whispers’. Jia, you know I have always told you that there are others who are intimidated by you, because they know you are a force to be reckoned with and they take notice.
Plain and simple, misery loves company. While we would love to call everyone a ‘friend’, we have to keep in mind that the majority of them clearly belong in the ‘associate’ category. Everyone, even the ones who smile and laugh with us, do not want to see our dreams turn into reality. It’s based in low self-esteem and insecurity. Suddenly, they think ‘where does this leave me?’. It’s a selfish thought, for if you’re truly happy for me, why not still be here for me?
When we progress and grow, it makes these ‘associates’ uncomfortable because now they’re forced to look at their lives and they DON’T want to grow. They want to be lazy or take the easy way out at every turn, avoiding the blood sweat and tears involved in making something solid.
Naturally, when they see your efforts really coming into fruition, there is envy. It’s such a shamed because all the while, they could recognize that your blessing doesn’t equate to their curse – they could be running their own race.
I’ll say this one last thing that my mama and daddy preached to me over the years: Count yourself blessed in this life if you have at least ONE good friend.
Brandelah:Correction: ‘Rain’.
Uglycleanbroke87:I have been having the same type of debate with myself about who my friends really are, or if I even have any REAL friends. I haven’t actually heard of anyone speaking ill of me, but I can feel some not-so-good vibes. I co-sign with Brandelah though…misery really does love company. People are comfortable as hell living average lives, and as much as everyone complains about not having a better job or better car, or whatever, no one really wants to take the actual steps to make their lives better. And when you do, it pisses them off because THEY are not motivated enough to do it.
That’s why I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even share good news with some people, because I know somehow they’ll find SOMETHING negative to say and I don’t need anyone raining on my parade. But if I can’t share good news with someone that’s supposed to be close to me, are they really my “friend?”
Tamera:As Mya Angelou said: “when a person shows you who they are, believe them”. Friends and
Fri-enemies will show who they are by their actions.
your more than a conquer
fleur:Congratulations Jia! it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and perseverance to change for the better. Just kicking one bad habit is hard enough, but to changes your bad habits, further your education,move AND manage your business is just amazing. brush your shoulders off and find friends that will support you.
yeah about that..:girl, keep your head up and your eyes on the prize thats all i can say.
i had the same thing happen to me a few years ago, bitch was envious, she started gettin cold and dropped me. but not before she lied to my now ex to break us up. its the best thing that couldve happened to me. he was a punk anyway. that aside.
i got in a bad place. and now im back on track, bitch has the nerve to ask me whats up via email. i didnt respond. ignored her. im glad she did it herself because i couldnt see the person she was back then.like you i never spoke ill of her, and i have nothing to be ashamed of as a result 
glad to see things are going the right way for you jia, you deserve it, many folks want to end their life because of shame (been there) and there is no need! everyone makes mistakes. *hugs to you*
keep going, love you blog!!