…that women generally want men who are similar to their fathers? How true is it for you?
I don’t think that I’ve ever been private about my relationship with either of my parents. While I love them both dearly, I can admit that there is a contrast in my relationship when they’re compared to one another. I think that the reason my relationship with my father isn’t as strong is because we’re too much alike…so obviously,we’re going to bump heads. Meanwhile, my mother is the polar opposite of what I am. I’m very outspoken, willing to curse anyone out if I need to but she’s more laid back and will only stomp you out if provoked.
Anyway, back to daddy….
I never understood what people meant when they said that women have a tendency to gravitate towards men who are like their fathers. I always thought that, even though it was never meant in the literal sense, it seemed “odd” and kinda freaky. But now, at 29 years old, I get it.
Again, my father and I did not have a perfect relationship growing up. But he took care of his family without question. There was NEVER a time that my siblings, mother and I were without and if there was ever a ‘break’ in our comfortability, we never knew about it. My dad kept it THAT tight. Further, my father wasn’t a pussy. I think that this is something that I realized in him a long time ago that quickly turns me away from a lot of men these days. If there was a need to defend his family, he did it. If he had something to say, he said it. If he needed to step it up and outman the next person, done deal. This is not to say that my father is a pushy asshole. He’s just a man. And these are the things that I admire in him that facilitate in the process of me eventually finding a good guy.
Here lately, I’ve encountered a LOT of punk ass men. I don’t say this because they’re sensitive or because they aren’t in the club trying to fight everybody with their thug appeal. I just feel that there are a lot of men who refuse to handle their balls as they should be handled. Being emotionally in tune is one thing…being over emotional is another. Having a sense about a woman’s needs is one thing…acting like you’re a woman is another. I dunno. I guess it all just boils down to preference. I understand that some women don’t know their fathers…and many hope that they’ll never find one like theirs. But no matter what, I can say that even with all the bumps and bruises we’ve endured over time, I am happy to say that my dad is indeed a man.
But a lot of you others…are looking real questionable.
COMMENTS
Exactly.
Even though I don’t know shit about my dad, he skipped out when I was just a baby, I can still understand the concept of girls wanting to find a man that’s like their fathers. Because girls look up to and admire their dads, thus becoming “daddy’s girls”. If he’s a really good man, like your father was, he shows you the true essence of what being a REAL MAN is all about. It’s not about being perfect, because there was only 1 man that was perfect. But having that mindset and determination to BE the head-of-the-household.
There are just a lot of men out there who aren’t men. It’s hard to explain just what I mean but there are a sea of men out there who are just less than desirable b/c they just don’t “act” like a man should act. I dunno…I don’t like the idea of telling a man how to be a man but it’s not beneath me to do it.
Ma Truth:I didn’t have a close relationship growing up bcos my parents divorced when I was young and I was angry with him for yrs. But as I got older him and I talked and we become extremely close. The more I got to know him the more I started telling myself that I wanted a husband that’s like him. Laid back, takes care of his family and he making his wife smile is his first priority! I am happy to say that I got it!!! My husband is so much like my father that it amazes me! I think women that think that way are the ones that have real Dad’s in their lives.
Robyn Latice:i dont think its true for everyone. i am an exception. I have two traits they must posess as my father did..but everything else he stands for is far from what I want in a man.
Lee-Lee:I get that the 1st guy you’re suppose to love is your father and that sets the precedent for future relationships. You learn how men are suppose to treat you, by how he treats your mother etc. and just how he is as an overall person. I was raised by my mother, and although I know who my father is and have seen him a couple times throughout my life, when I 1st started dating, I was like a deer in headlights.
I didn’t have a man to compare any of them to so I had to learn what a good man is… and honestly, I still don’t have all the pieces to that puzzle and am learning.
I actually feel cheated, it’s kind of sad that I had to go through so much when I 1st started dealing with men, because I had no father figure. I think it has turned me into a hard person to get to know, because I am very guarded and some what mean to guys (as a protective thing). Each time I went on a date, I didn’t have my dad grilling them, threatening with a shot gun or ready to bust a cap in any dudes ass if they even made me cry or brought me home late.
So to make up for that I have to be a hard ass bitch to dudes, which has I guess worked against me because I could be a little nicer, but I learned young I have to look out for me. I honestly don’t think the theory that women who never had a father or father figure have “issues”. While you can’t miss something you never had, as I get older I realize all the things I could have learned from a man as far as what a real man is, and how real men treat woman etc.
So I can’t say oh woe is me I didn’t have a daddy, it just makes me sad that all that knowledge that I could have learned directly from my dads mouth as well as by his actions is something I missed out on and can’t get back.
I can honestly say that I would love to be with a man like my father… simply because he knows me well enough to cater to who I am as an individual. He’s fun and very driven about what he wants… The habits he has I don’t too much care for but over all he is my template. I don’t want to always be wined and dined, sometimes I want to go to the park and get funky, and just enjoy the outdoors. If I want to dress up and wear my heels he knows he daughter can look like a lady! He enjoys me as a person and that all I can say I look forward to in a significant other. I don’t know what it is like to say that I don’t know my dad, and it bothers me that a lot of women and men can’t say the same because it had a grave impact on my dealing as a woman. Great post Jia!
Elle B.:I have to say that I don’t want a man to be ANYTHING like my Dad. I love him dearly, but when it comes to how he treats my mother emotionally, I just couldn’t do it. The way he talks about her, brings up things that should be buried, etc. I just couldn’t do it. I will say that my Father provides for us. We have never had a time of real struggle (and they’re GM retirees). A man needs to give their woman both emotional and financial security. And my Dad has to be the MOST stubborn, inconsiderate, selfish man. I do love him with all my heart, but I couldn’t marry a man like him though
Lia:I’m 26 and had & still have a dad who is physically present but absent. We don’t have a good relationship and I hope to God that I NEVER EVER marry someone like him!!!