So I posted a blog about color issues within the Black community and it received a lot of comments. I feel that issues dealing with complexion has been a long standing topic amongst Blacks and it’s sad to see that there are still some people in the family who simply don’t see Black as being beautiful.
The whole issue is a thorn in my side (and completely intolerable for me) b/c I, too, use to have issues with color.
My mother is a lighter brown lady…she’s not what I’d call light skinned but she’s lighter than everyone else in the house. Right behind her (in terms of tone) is me, then my sister and my brother and dad are pretty much the same. I consider myself to be dark brown skin but my brother and father are darker than me. Growing up, people use to make fun of my brother…calling him blackie, midnight, etc. I think that my sister and I were even guilty of this. The one thing that we didn’t realize until years later was that he was actually bothered by this. He never really expressed it through words but we’d notice that he bought creams that are meant for ‘bleaching,’ but would tell us that he only bought it for scarring. His dating preferences were also skewed at one point and I believe that it was also due to the teasing that he endured as a kid.
While I never asked my dad about his experiences, I do know that he has a younger sister who is very dark skinned. Depending on who you asked and the day of the week, she may be called a derogatory name, like ‘coal’ or ‘tar.’ I haven’t spoken to her in years but I remember her saying that when she was a child, she had a hard time accepting the fact that she wasn’t light skinned but later grew to love her color b/c she felt that it made her different.
I had a very candid conversation with my father when I was about 15/16. He was asking me was I dating a specific guy from school and I told him that I wasn’t. He then asked, “Well why would ____ tell me that you were?” I said (and I’m giving you a QUOTE here), “I don’t know why they would tell you that b/c if they really knew me, they’d know that I wouldn’t date somebody that dark.” Yea…it even pains me to type that. I also remember certain family members making comments about dating men/women of a darker complexion but when they were ready to have kids, they would choose a person with lighter skin…if not a white or hispanic person so that their child had a possibility of being a ‘red bone.’
I said all that to say this…it wasn’t until recently (meaning within the last maybe 2-3 years) that I got over my feelings about color. I feel that I picked up some of those thoughts from watching the way people around me spoke negatively about darker skinned Black people and it helped shaped my attitude. I don’t know “how” it was that I was able to break those feelings but I do know that I did…and I’m grateful.
People have a tendency to get mad when I call them on their color issues. I don’t do it b/c I feel that my beliefs are superior to yours…I do it to have a person really THINK on how silly they sound to speak so negatively about a group of people that you belong to who happen to come in several different shades of brown. It saddens me to hear people make disparaging remarks about their own “kind.” What’s even more sad is that I use to have those same feelings.
No matter what you may feel about a person and the actions that they take against you, engaging in a battle armed with nothing but corny complexion jokes means you lose before you started. One thing that many folks with color issues fail to realize is that even if you are of a certain skin tone and reproduce with someone of the same (or “better”), genetics can reach way back and have your child’s complexion matching neither one of you. Then what? Do you love that child any less b/c they’re not light skinned?
Society has placed such a negative stigma on being anything other than light but we’ll never end that cycle if we keep perpetuating those beliefs within our own households. I’m not here to pass judgment on anyone. I’m sharing my story as a testament that people can change. Although we can absolutely change our attitude, we can not change our skin tone.
Learn to love your skin, people. It’s really the only one you’ve got.
COMMENTS
This reminds me of something that I saw today in the store. I went to fred’s and while I was looking at different skin creams, I noticed, there was about 6 different brands of skin bleaching creams. It really bothered me, because I knew that it was basically being targeted to blacks, considering the area I was in. It really bothers me sometimes that I feel like I am being judged much harsher because Im dark skinned (Im a NW 50 in MAC). And no lie, sometimes it makes me sad and insecure about my skin. But lately, im learning to accept myself for who I am. Just because my skin is darker, I have to remember that isn’t determining my worth.
Hot Sh*t NOT Found Here | Miss Jia: She ain’t for everybody…:[...] issues with color……She So Fly var linkwithin_site_id = 38577; (function () { var elem = document.createElement('script'); [...]
Chicentrix:This (color issues) has nothing to do w/ preferences, but everything to do w/ ignorance. Our minds are still enslaved, brainwashed to believe that descents of the FIRST PEOPLE are inferior. We are ALL beautiful & unique & it’s time to embrace EVERYTHING about us. I applaud, MissJia, who has admitted to her part in this vicious cycle and her acknowledging it has helped her change. Sometimes non-judgmental conversations are all we need to see our errors and mend them. God Bless,
Monay:I have been teased about being dark-skinned all of my damn life Jia. From friends, family, everybody. People still subtly do it til this day but it doesn’t bother me (or at least I don’t thing it does) as much as it did when I was growning up.
I remember asking my mom if I was ugly because I was dark-skinned. I would tell her how I would get teased from the kids at school.
I even remember there was a boy that I had a crush on & so did a lighter skinned friend of mine & he plainly outright told me to my face that he would date her instead of me because she was light skinned & I was “too black”.
What people don’t realize is that constant teasing & being made to feel as though you are not good enough because you are not light bright can traumatize a person & have severe psychological effects.
I mean look at how it made Michael Jackson go crazy with the surgery & lil kim with the plastic surgery. Just because they are trying to be “accepted” or look like what society wants them too.
It’s crazy.
about that...:@ monay and bitchahontas, you should meet indians, if you thought african americans were bad..im not playing it down, i was just wondering if you knew about the craziness on their level. i would say when a person talks about how dark you are, ask them and why the heck would that be your business? i dont care if im green or bright purple, mind yo own cottdamn business. you dont EVER have to apologize for your colour. tell them to worry about their backfat, wild children, mustache, in denial gay boyfriend, edges, or whatever, because you have enough to do as it is, you dont need these losers’ bs 
hope this helps, thats what i do when folks mind my business
I have this one chick who CONSTANTLY speaks of color. She is dark-skinned, and makes little funny comments to me about being “red’, or “light, bright, and almost white”. I find that so offensive and annoying. I have tried to lightly steer her away from such speak, but I think it is so ingrained in her heart and mind, that she might need to go see someone about it. I have a family of all the color spectrum, and YES it was a huge issue and still is in my family. I try to address it, but it seems bigger than me. It makes me feel so sad that we are reducing each other to the tone of our skin.
I applaud you for bringing this up and your honesty when you were younger, I too was the same way. As I got older, I actually had a preference for darker skin, but I made hurtful comments earlier in life as well. We have to lead by example, that is the only hope for our younger generation.