I logged on to AIM today and when I did, a browser immediately opened up showing all of the latest stories as told by AOL.
One of the articles that popped up was THIS one where a woman details a relationship that she chose to terminate because the man that she was seeing didn’t want to have kids right now.
I read the whole thing because I wanted to know what the outcome was. Did the guy eventually cave in and let some sperm loose in her vag or did she bid him adieu because he refused to immediately give her her way.
While I thought that the story was interesting, there were a couple things that would probably make ME feel pressured (if I was the male in this situation):
1. I think that it’s super important to have ‘talks’ when you’re choosing to actively date someone. If you aren’t upfront about your religious beliefs, morals, jobs/salaries, kids, etc., then you probably are in for a rude awakening later down the line. But what struck me as ‘odd’ from this article is that even though they did have that initial talk, they both seemed to ‘plan’ to have a baby together after two years of dating. Maybe I need to go back and re-read but I didn’t see anything about marriage in there. Don’t get me wrong; I am NOT one that believes that you HAVE to be married before you have kids. I just thought that it was interesting that this wasn’t something brought up from the door.
2. I definitely feel ole girl regarding the biological clock. One of my friends said that it seems that once you hit 30, you begin to hear it ticking and you can either respond to it or continue hitting snooze. After reading this article, it just seems like it was something that she talked about…constantly. Probably a bit too much. If I’m not mistaken, that’s something like nagging. Again, I understand the whole deal about getting it while your eggs are able but being nagged is no fun.
I guess that’s it. I just thought I’d share the article with you guys b/c I found it interesting.
How do you guys handle these sorts of things? I’m sure that the majority of you aren’t ready to have kids (assuming that you don’t have them already). But even if you do, how imperative is it to have the “children talk” when you’re dating someone new? For me, it’s not something that I immediately bring up; I actually wait for the guy to bring it up only because (as she said in the article) I wouldn’t want him to think that I’m after him for a kiddo.
Yup.
COMMENTS
Interesting. When I was sitting under the dryer forever this morning getting my hurrr did, I read an interesting article in Elle (either Jun ’10 or July ’10 – I was under there so long I read two) but it was about men’s reproductive rights. Basically, there are activists trying to get the laws changed so that men don’t have to pay child support if they feel they’ve been tricked into the pregnancy. Their point: women have the choice to terminate, men don’t. Anyway, here it is online: http://www.elle.com/Life-Love/Society-Career-Power/The-Parent-Trap-Paternal-Rights-and-Abortion
It’s interesting
Jia:Thanks for sharing. I am gonna read it now and post my thoughts.
AssertiveWit:I have a child but before I had her I wasn’t in a rush to get pregnant. I wanted to live as much of my life doing what I want before that even became an “issue” in my life. I wasn’t opposed to having children but I only wanted them under certain circumstances. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always happen as planned…especially when the people involved aren’t acting like the preferences are all that serious.
I’m pretty transparent about things like this whenever I would get involved with someone. I wouldn’t want to be surprised later so I don’t do that to other people. If they aren’t on the same page, there is no point in having sexual intercourse. Children aren’t accidents when it’s consensual sex. There is ALWAYS a chance of pregnancy anytime there is vaginal penetration. Don’t want kids? Don’t have sex LOL
The guy dating her should have expected her to leave if he changed his mind in regards to when a kid was supposed to be conceived.
Amarachi:Thanks for sharing – I found the article interesting. I couldn’t help but sympathize with the writer; I think I would feel resentful and cheated even if I was in her position. After all, they discussed it and agreed to the plan years prior. If the bf had a change of mind, he was well aware she hadn’t, so he should have let her know in a straightforward manner that the baby thing was a no- go, instead of giving her false hope.
At 28, I’m feeling ready and would like to begin trying for a bundle of joy next year. My fiancé and I are on the same page where that is concerned… to the best of my knowledge.
As far as if and when to have the “children talk,” since it’s the woman who has a window of time to get pregnant, and a man can pretty much become a father at any age, I think it’s probably up to the woman to initiate the discussion, IF it’s something that is important to her. For me, marriage & children is definitely something I want for my life, so I wouldn’t want to waste time in a relationship that doesn’t have the potential to give me what I want.
WellDamn24:I always like to say to whomever asks, “I’ll have children if my husband wants them,” but really that isn’t true.
I really don’t want to have children. It’s a big responsibility and I’ve vicariously enjoyed some of the benefits of parenthood by being responsible for a younger sibling, and through friends and family.
It’s the one responsibilty in life that you can’t get away from once you have it(at least if you’re any kind of decent human being). I’d rather abstain from parenthood then be scared and worried about my child for the rest of my natural life.
Anyone who says 18 years and you’re free, isn’t parenting as fully as they should. My parents were wonderful and just thinking about the amount of love, care, and attention they heaped on me and my brother gives me he d@mn willies.
God bless you loving, active parents in the world. I hope to never be among you.