I was recently having a conversation with a guy “friend” of mine. I use the term “friend” loosely when it comes to him. We met at this spot that we both worked at. I had put in a notice to move on to other things but during my final two weeks there, I decided to pass him my # (after seeing him around so often) and see where it goes. He ended up calling…we got to know one another via those calls and IM and everything seemed okay.
However, after a while I began to notice something and this “something” made me not want to be bothered. It seems that he was one of those people who blames EVERYTHING in life on everyone but himself. If he didn’t manage his money correctly, he’s blaming it on the job for shorting his check. If he ended up losing his car or his crib, it was because he was busy taking care of someone else. If he couldn’t _______, it was b/c of __________.
In other words, dude just never accepts responsibility for his own actions. It’s easy as hell for me to ‘see’ what he won’t admit b/c I use to be the same way. Anytime some cloud was placed over my head, I had always had someone else to blame for the rain. It was never me though. And although it took me a couple of years to really learn to accept my own shortcomings and know that when things go wrong, sometimes it is, indeed, my own fault, I learned. Period.
Just recently, he came over my house to visit me and just as he was getting ready to go, he asked me if he could “hold $20″ to put in his gas tank because he thinks that his relative has his gas card. Dumb question ahead: I asked him, “well, do you not have your bank card?” He fumbled around in his wallet for a minute, pulled out a card and said something along the lines of “Dang…I have the wrong one in my wallet.”
No, sir….there is no gas card. And sir, you have the RIGHT card in your wallet…it just doesn’t have any money on it.
After that conversation, I became ridiculously annoyed with him but incidents like these are regular occurrences. I understand that we have our moments where life is a bit unkind to us. But how much growth are you allowing yourself to experience if you NEVER accept responsibility for your circumstances? Life does deal us shitty hands of cards but at the end of the day, it’s all in how you play them.
I’ve known this guy for about three years now and in ALL three of those years, he’s NEVER had it together. NEVER. On the one hand, I feel bad for him but on the other, I see a man guy who isn’t really willing to have more or be more b/c he won’t own up to his own shit. I’ve tried on several occasions to sit down with him and help him ‘figure things out,’ but it always falls on deaf ears.
Quite frankly, I’m tired of trying. Own up to your shit, dude.
Oh and PS: I didn’t give him that $20.
COMMENTS
This blog mirrors a current situation I am in with my sister. She is 25 and although a lot of bad stuff has happened in her life (some beyond her control), she refuses to take responsibilty for her part. Every aspect of her life is unstable and I tried explaining to her that when you are the common denominator in every bad situation you’re involved with, it’s time to evaluate yourself. Own up to your faults and learn from them. I haven’t heard from her since I told her this, but I know she saw the truth in what I said. Secretly I want to email her this post but if I want her to talk to me any time soon that won’t be a good idea. lol.
-side bar: I wonder why the part where you submit name/email/website is in German??
Jia:I need to change it. The creator of this layout is foreign lol
Akira:Interesting that I read this. At 23, I realize I’m a victim of not accepting responsibility for the consequences of my own actions. Much like “him”, I’m always attempting to shift the blame when its simply me… Thanks Jia. #Growth
Jia:No problem. And honey don’t feel bad if you still don’t come full circle for a while. At least you recognize it but it takes a while to really remind yourself why it is that you do it and then change it. It does NOT happen overnight for anybody, trust me. But as I said, you’re already ahead of the game by admitting it! *smiles
carrah:The sperm donor of my child is just like that. One of the type men where it’s always “the man’s” fault, the police fault, my mama fault. Like dude…your 32! Seriously?! Because all of the ppl above told you to go and sell drugs and be a total waste to society…ugh..sorry for the rant. I really feel you on that though.
it is:lmao at that 20! you are right for handling it the way you did, frankly, he is at a place in life where he needs to get his stuff together. HE, not you or any other person, so he also needs to pay his own way.
im in the proces of accepting the results of my actions. i might have had it rough. but taking charge of your life means also accepting the bad choices even though some might have pushed you in to it. YOU did it (talkin to myself) it feels good though, i feel more in control, which leads to more action
Dre:Jia, I have one advice for you. Forget about the American male, go European. I’m talking personal experience. More common sense, much more responsibility, more respect and they know their shit when it comes to finances.
SincerelyGo:Hey Jia! I know exactly where you are coming from. My ex called me while I was in another state visiting with family to pay his utility bill with my card because he didn’t catch the place open. I knew he was good for it. But it was so annoying to be having this conversation with a man, my age that does not have a bank/credit card.
Any who,
I’m breaking up with twitter so I’ll be around again. Hugs. Oh and I did pay it and he gave me what he owed plus and extra $70 for the inconvenience. He could not compensate me for the annoyance though.
Sincerely,
Go
Jia:lol sounds like a plan. Do I need to go to Europe for that though? Yikes!
Dre:This is 2010 girl! You can even get to know a Martian from behind your computer if you wanted too! Let’m come to you \(^o^)/
WellDamn24:I know a guy like your friend who does what I call “jerry-rigging through life”. There’s not straight line from A to B. It’s all about hook up, loans, con games, etc. Dude will put more effort into getting over than he will into getting a job. He always has a favor to ask of someone.
The dude, in the course of a conversation, put the moves on me, then asked me if he could have a job cleaning my apartment. I kid you not! He works hard…to go in the wrong direction most of the time.
I am not (NEVER EVA going to be) his girlfriend and he has asked me in the past why he gets no consideration. Guys like this always think they are smarter than the average bear, then wonder why a woman who has it together doesn’t want to put up with their ups and downs.